I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
