i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
