How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
