im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You ruined the universe
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
