Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
