if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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