haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
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I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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