I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
