i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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