My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
