Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
