At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm at about main and main street
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We have started to decorate penises.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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