i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
