And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
