wat bout pragnant strippers??
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
