We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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