if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
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