Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
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Im just a social blackout drinker.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
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I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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