Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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