drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
