paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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