Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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