Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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