He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
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Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
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I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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