we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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