At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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