I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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