Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
