He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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