smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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