I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
