it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
