I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
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I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
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Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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