i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
