Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
