Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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