Me. At least after what I've been through.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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