Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
