my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
