she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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