It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
