those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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