every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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