he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
