I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I wear drunk well.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize