I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
