i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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