i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Randomize
