I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
