I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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