do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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