i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Church boner. Awkwardddd
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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