that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
