plz talk dirty to me
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
