Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
