Soap is not a condiment
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
