Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
