well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
