is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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