the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
