I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
