yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
