She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
