I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
