So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
