I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
