he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
