made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
