Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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