Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
