matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
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i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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