This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
