I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Someone shit on the floor
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
