I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
